Things To Think Of Before Having A Baby Part 1

For the past few months, I have been seriously thinking about having a child. My husband is on board with the idea of kids in theory, but there are still a lot of details to work out. If you're in the same boat or just want to make sure you know what you're getting into, here are some questions to ask yourself before getting pregnant or adopting.

1-Are you having a child because you want one, or to please someone else? Some people feel as though they “should” have kids by a certain age or have parents who keep pushing them to procreate. Also, are you trying to “fix” a problem in your life by having a baby? Trust me, having a child is not a way to repair an ailing relationship. While it is possible that someone will settle down and “grow up” when a baby is coming-it happened with my nephew and my friend's boyfriend-, you shouldn't count on that. If your relationship is having problems, best to work on them before you have a baby. Otherwise, it will be three (or more!) lives affected by a breakup.

2-Can you afford it? I can't imagine anyone saying that having children is cheap, but many of us don't realize exactly how much things can cost until the time comes. This is especially true for teenage mothers still living at home and have not had to make their own way. Think about daily expenses, as well as one- or maybe two-time purchases (car seats, cribs, furnishing a nursery, if you need a different car, etc). This is especially important if you plan to take time off from work; some employers will give you paid time off, but FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) is usually unpaid. FMLA basically means that your employer has to hold onto your position for up to 12 months after you have a family event, but that doesn't always kick in right away; depending on the company, you might have to have worked there for a year or so before being eligible. They may extend it to you out of courtesy, but they don't have to. Inquire about your employer's policies and keep them in mind if you intend to return to work.

3-What effect will it have on your other children? This isn't to say you should ask “permission” so much as to consider whether you and your partner will be able to handle an extra child. Can you deal with two children in diapers at a time, or do you want to wait until your older child is potty-trained before you have another? Will you be able to give the older child the attention s/he needs? It's not uncommon for a child to start 'acting out' to get attention or to have other problems, so it helps to consider whether or not you and/or your partner will be spread too thin.

(continued in next post)