What To Say When You Don't Want A Party

If you're pregnant, chances are someone will want to throw you a baby shower. You've probably been to several yourself, or to similar parties. However, I've seen a few articles about parties such as naming (NOT christening) or gender-reveal parties. I'm all for finding an excuse to get together with the girls and have some cake and cappuccino, but I think trends like these can turn bad when these sorts of parties are “pushed” on a person. For instance, take this letter to Slate's advice columnist-

Gender-reveal parties?

This woman isn't the expectant mother, but she's still feeling pressured by a friend to have a party that she thinks is silly and over-the-top. If you're in a similar situation-your friends and family insist on throwing you a party that you don't feel comfortable with, here are some ways to handle it.

Make your wishes known. A lot of the parties I mentioned above are something you'd expect among the “ultra-feminine country-club” crowd, especially since they'd probably be the only ones who'd be able to afford it. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but maybe your tastes are more simple than that. Not everyone likes the attention or cares for the “traditions” some people claim.

For instance, a friend of mine was being given a baby shower when she was pregnant with her son. She wanted her mother-in-law-the baby's grandmother-to throw the party because, while she didn't want a baby shower at all, she felt that the person (of the aforementioned 'country-club crowd') whose idea it was to host was going overboard and making it more about herself than anything else. She was told that it wasn't “proper etiquette” for the grandmother of the coming baby to throw the shower. My friend found these “fancy” things to be pretentious and wanted a more casual get-together. If you are of the same opinion, there is nothing at all wrong with saying so. If the other person gets upset, perhaps you can compromise. Chicken salad rather than cucumbers for sandwiches, miniature eclairs in the place of crab puffs-small changes can make the party more “you” while still allowing your friend to honor you. That doesn't mean the person will listen, but making your wishes known and being willing to compromise is very helpful in reducing the stress that can come with such parties.

However-

Understand that the person usually means well. Even if they seem pushy, that could be their way of honoring you. The shower-host mentioned above likes giving parties to show her appreciation for her friends. She threw a very nice bridal shower for me when I got married. I didn't ask her to do that, but she did it as part of a gift to me and because that's just what she likes to do. That's what she was doing with the baby shower-trying to show friendship, albeit going overboard in the process. Realizing this and letting your friend know that you appreciate the effort will go a long way.

Hopefully I've been able to help you navigate the waters of over-the-top parties. If you do end up having them, though, be sure to invite me! I love cappuccino.

What NOT To Eat While You're Pregnant

  

I just heard that you're pregnant. Congratulations!

I'm not sure if you've been here before, but you're about to get a big rush of advice from everyone. Your mother-in-law, your boss, your neighbor's ex-boyfriend's former roommate-everyone is going to try to tell you what you should and should not do. It's not that they think you don't know anything; they just want to help. They want to share any wisdom they've acquired over the course of their lives with you so that you won't have any of the problems they may have had.

Well, I'm about to add to the list.

When you're pregnant, you truly are 'eating for two'. What you take in to your body goes straight to your baby. Because of this, there are several things you should avoid eating while you are pregnant for the good of your baby. You might hate to go without them for nine months but, trust me, it will be worth it. Here is a brief list.

• Raw or undercooked meat and seafood. Sorry, sushi and rare-steak lovers. In addition to the mercury many shellfish have, uncooked meat and seafood may still have parasites and bacteria that can cause illnesses like salmonella. This is especially true of clams and oysters. If you are eating seafood from local fishermen (which is done in many coastal towns), be mindful of any pollution in the water.
• Anything with raw or undercooked eggs. This includes egg nog, batters for baking, hollandaise sauce and restaurant-made Caesar dressing. Things like raw cookie dough aren't good to eat anyway, but you should especially avoid them if you are or may be pregnant.
• Unpasteurized milk, juice or cider. Ciders or juices sold at farmers' markets or local fruit stands aren't always pasteurized properly before they are sold. Ask someone on staff if these things have been pasteurized before you buy them. Most juices and milk sold at grocery stores are fine, but you should still read the labels to be safe.
• Meat spreads such as potted meat and pâté. If you eat processed meats like hot dogs, bacon or deli meats, make sure they are fully cooked.
• Caffeine or herbal tea, to excess.
• Soft cheeses such as brie, bleu cheese, feta or Camembert unless they have been pasteurized or melted.
• Unwashed fruits or vegetables, because of possible pesticides. Also, thoroughly wash any sprouts or herbs you might use in cooking (i.e. alfalfa or cilantro), if you use them at all.

This is a basic idea of the foods you should avoid during pregnancy. Of course, you will want to ask your obstetrician about any specific foods you shouldn't eat, but it's good to have a basis to work from. I figured you'd probably rather hear them from someone you chose to read than the random person you see in the grocery store.

Now all you have to do is learn how to deal with people coming up and touching your belly. Good luck with that!

Fun And Informative Books For New Moms

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When my sister was pregnant with her kids, it seemed as though everyone had advice. Some things were useful, like which car seats are the best and what kind of bedding she should use. Other things, however, were just strange-exactly why does it matter what kind of light bulbs to use in the baby's room, again? Everyone seemed to be an expert. They were trying to help, but sometimes she was a bit overwhelmed with it all and didn't know what to listen to and what to pass off. A lot of the 'baby books' she tried to read spoke in 'medical-ese', which meant they weren't much help either. I'm sure you've been in the same boat, or know someone who is. The good news is that there are plenty of reliable informational books out there that are written 'for the rest of us'. Here are a few books about how to deal with your new baby that you will actually want to read.

• If Your Kid Eats This Book, Everything Will Still Be Okay by Lara Zibners- As the hilarious title suggests, this books is full of reassurances about the care of your baby. We tend to worry about every little thing-every tummy ache, every bump on the head, every little sneeze. As it turns out, at least half of those late-night trips to the emergency room are for things that are normal or minor. This book, aside from making you laugh out loud from the tone, goes into the things you should and shouldn't worry about. It's written by a former ER doctor, so she knows what she's talking about.
• The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy by Vicki Iovine- Sometimes we wonder how it is that all these male doctors think they can tell us what to expect and how it is supposed to feel. It's nice to hear about these things in detail from someone who has 'been there'. The author, a four-time mom, tells you the things-what happens to your body, why your moods are what they are, etc-that your doctor glosses over. She has opinions you may not agree with, but it has an irreverent and conversational tone that makes it much easier to read than some other books out there!
• It Gets Easier! And Other Lies We Tell New Mothers by Claudine Wolk- One thing I hear from my friends with babies tell me is that they got so much advice and read so many baby books-only to find that half of what they learned doesn't apply to them. This book goes into all of those subjects and gives a different view. Drawing from her own experiences and interviews with moms, Wolk uses a friendly and fun tone to dispel the many myths out there about breastfeeding, sleep schedules and the 'talk' you need to have with your husband before the birth! I'm not sure exactly what that 'talk' entails, but it's good to know how to have it!

These but a few of the many helpful books to prepare pregnant women and new mothers for the challenges that lie ahead of them. It's good to be able to read these things from someone who has actually 'been there' and speaks in a tone that doesn't bore us to death! Hopefully you'll be able to actually use the advice given but, even if you can't, you can at least enjoy reading about it.