What To Say When You Don't Want A Party

If you're pregnant, chances are someone will want to throw you a baby shower. You've probably been to several yourself, or to similar parties. However, I've seen a few articles about parties such as naming (NOT christening) or gender-reveal parties. I'm all for finding an excuse to get together with the girls and have some cake and cappuccino, but I think trends like these can turn bad when these sorts of parties are “pushed” on a person. For instance, take this letter to Slate's advice columnist-

Gender-reveal parties?

This woman isn't the expectant mother, but she's still feeling pressured by a friend to have a party that she thinks is silly and over-the-top. If you're in a similar situation-your friends and family insist on throwing you a party that you don't feel comfortable with, here are some ways to handle it.

Make your wishes known. A lot of the parties I mentioned above are something you'd expect among the “ultra-feminine country-club” crowd, especially since they'd probably be the only ones who'd be able to afford it. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but maybe your tastes are more simple than that. Not everyone likes the attention or cares for the “traditions” some people claim.

For instance, a friend of mine was being given a baby shower when she was pregnant with her son. She wanted her mother-in-law-the baby's grandmother-to throw the party because, while she didn't want a baby shower at all, she felt that the person (of the aforementioned 'country-club crowd') whose idea it was to host was going overboard and making it more about herself than anything else. She was told that it wasn't “proper etiquette” for the grandmother of the coming baby to throw the shower. My friend found these “fancy” things to be pretentious and wanted a more casual get-together. If you are of the same opinion, there is nothing at all wrong with saying so. If the other person gets upset, perhaps you can compromise. Chicken salad rather than cucumbers for sandwiches, miniature eclairs in the place of crab puffs-small changes can make the party more “you” while still allowing your friend to honor you. That doesn't mean the person will listen, but making your wishes known and being willing to compromise is very helpful in reducing the stress that can come with such parties.

However-

Understand that the person usually means well. Even if they seem pushy, that could be their way of honoring you. The shower-host mentioned above likes giving parties to show her appreciation for her friends. She threw a very nice bridal shower for me when I got married. I didn't ask her to do that, but she did it as part of a gift to me and because that's just what she likes to do. That's what she was doing with the baby shower-trying to show friendship, albeit going overboard in the process. Realizing this and letting your friend know that you appreciate the effort will go a long way.

Hopefully I've been able to help you navigate the waters of over-the-top parties. If you do end up having them, though, be sure to invite me! I love cappuccino.

What *To* Put On Your Baby Registry

Our friend Jacklyn gave us ideas about what not to put on a baby registry. But what should you ask for? What kinds of things do you need to put on your registry? Here are some ideas.

Overall, I'd say putting anything you're going to need help paying for on your registry is a good rule of thumb. You don't want to put a lot of expensive things you don't really need on the list (tuxedo from Baby Gap, anyone?), but babies aren't cheap. Since most of us don't have piles of cash lying around, the help will be appreciated.

Cribs. In a previous article, I explored whether or not secondhand cribs are safe for your baby. The verdict was mixed, but leaned strongly toward “no”. If you need a new crib, feel free to put one on your registry. These can be very expensive, so a few people may go in on one together. You could also put crib mattresses on the list, since one size does not fit all.

Portable cribs aka “Pack and Play” are also good things to register for, since you will definitely need them if you are going to travel.

Car seats. Car seats are another thing that shouldn't be bought or used secondhand. Like bicycle helmets, car seats are designed for one accident. It might look fine, but sometimes internal parts that affect the structure and safety of the seat can be damaged, making it less likely to fully protect your child. Many parents like the car seats that have a detachable “carrier” that can be used to transport an infant. Others will ask for convertible child seats that can be re-arranged to suit your child as he grows older. For more information on car seats, check out http://www.babycenter.com/0_buying-guides-infant-car-seats-convertible-car-seats-and-boo_10310502.bc.

Infants will always need a rear-facing seat.

Rockers or gliders. These are chairs you can sit in while breastfeeding or generally holding your baby that allow you to move back and forth, creating a motion that tends to soothe infants. They can be very helpful in getting your baby to sleep. Baby swings are also good for this.

Strollers. These are essentials any time you take your baby out of the house. The exact type of stroller you need will greatly depend on where you live, what you will be using it for (shopping vs. jogging) and how many children you will be carrying. Some strollers are set up to accommodate your baby's car-seat carrier to reduce the amount of “jostling” your baby experiences between settings. Some can be adjusted as your child grows older, and still others carry multiple babies at a time. For more information on strollers, check out http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-to-buy-a-stroller_1427.bc.

Changing tables. You might not necessarily need a table specifically for changing your baby, but it's a good thing to have. If you find one that doubles as a dresser, you can use it in your child's room for years. Even if you don't get a table, though, you will need changing pads that can securely attach to whichever surface you are using. Whichever option you choose, make sure it has straps that are strong enough to accommodate a squirming baby.

These are just a few of the items belong on every baby registry. For more suggestions, visit http://www.babycenter.com/102_baby-registry_10378735.bc.

7 Fun Baby Shower Games

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Are you in charge of the baby shower, but have no idea what to do? There's always the 'opening presents' part and the cute cake, but what if you want to add a bit of 'spirit' to the party? How can you cater to the mom-to-be's silly side while still keeping the 'baby' theme? Here are a few baby shower games that should have everyone laughing.

Toilet-paper diaper. Have you ever been to a bridal shower where they played 'toilet paper bridal gown'? Put a twist on it with 'toilet paper diaper'. Divide up in teams and give everyone five minutes to 'diaper up' one team member with toilet paper. Whoever comes up with the best of most creative 'diaper' in that time wins. Be sure to take plenty of pictures to put up on Facebook or use for 'blackmail'. :)

Chug, chug, chug. Put punch, beer or whatever in a baby bottle and see who can 'suck it dry' first.

PJ 'pop art'. Get a bunch of onesies and some puffy paint, paint pens, etc to decorate. Whoever makes the most creative onesie gets a prize. If you can't think of a prize, chocolate always works!

Baby belly relay race. Make a 'belly' out of a fanny pack or some other sling-like contraption. Divide up in teams and have a relay race. Instead of passing a baton, everyone has to pass and put on the 'belly'. This should be a lot of fun, especially considering that some of those fanny packs like to fall off!

Pin the baby on the mommy. Draw or blow up a picture of the mom to be and play 'pin the baby on the mommy', with the goal being the mom's belly. Give a prize to whoever gets closest. You could also use her arms as the goal or give a prize to whoever is farthest away.

Afternoon 'feeding'. If the shower is on a nice day, go outside and divide everyone up into teams of two. Give each person a disposable bib and a cup or applesauce, pudding or something else that can make a mess. Like a newly-married couple feeds each other the wedding cake that the same time, have each person 'spoon-feed' their partner. Whoever gets to the bottom of their cup wins. For a twist, you can give a time limit and give a prize to whichever team has gotten the messiest!

Don't say 'baby'. When each person arrives, give them a 'necklace' of clothespins or diaper pins to wear. For the entire party, everyone has to avoid saying the word 'Baby'. If anyone hears someone say the 'secret word', they call the person on it and take one of their pins. Be prepared for a lot of yelling and laughing! Give a prize to the person with the most pins at the end of the party. If you want, have everyone pin the diaper pins to their clothes so they have to walk around with little ducks or Mickey Mouse hanging from their shirts all afternoon!

As you can see, there are plenty of ways you can add a bit of silliness to any baby shower. Enjoy!