What To Say When You Don't Want A Party

If you're pregnant, chances are someone will want to throw you a baby shower. You've probably been to several yourself, or to similar parties. However, I've seen a few articles about parties such as naming (NOT christening) or gender-reveal parties. I'm all for finding an excuse to get together with the girls and have some cake and cappuccino, but I think trends like these can turn bad when these sorts of parties are “pushed” on a person. For instance, take this letter to Slate's advice columnist-

Gender-reveal parties?

This woman isn't the expectant mother, but she's still feeling pressured by a friend to have a party that she thinks is silly and over-the-top. If you're in a similar situation-your friends and family insist on throwing you a party that you don't feel comfortable with, here are some ways to handle it.

Make your wishes known. A lot of the parties I mentioned above are something you'd expect among the “ultra-feminine country-club” crowd, especially since they'd probably be the only ones who'd be able to afford it. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but maybe your tastes are more simple than that. Not everyone likes the attention or cares for the “traditions” some people claim.

For instance, a friend of mine was being given a baby shower when she was pregnant with her son. She wanted her mother-in-law-the baby's grandmother-to throw the party because, while she didn't want a baby shower at all, she felt that the person (of the aforementioned 'country-club crowd') whose idea it was to host was going overboard and making it more about herself than anything else. She was told that it wasn't “proper etiquette” for the grandmother of the coming baby to throw the shower. My friend found these “fancy” things to be pretentious and wanted a more casual get-together. If you are of the same opinion, there is nothing at all wrong with saying so. If the other person gets upset, perhaps you can compromise. Chicken salad rather than cucumbers for sandwiches, miniature eclairs in the place of crab puffs-small changes can make the party more “you” while still allowing your friend to honor you. That doesn't mean the person will listen, but making your wishes known and being willing to compromise is very helpful in reducing the stress that can come with such parties.

However-

Understand that the person usually means well. Even if they seem pushy, that could be their way of honoring you. The shower-host mentioned above likes giving parties to show her appreciation for her friends. She threw a very nice bridal shower for me when I got married. I didn't ask her to do that, but she did it as part of a gift to me and because that's just what she likes to do. That's what she was doing with the baby shower-trying to show friendship, albeit going overboard in the process. Realizing this and letting your friend know that you appreciate the effort will go a long way.

Hopefully I've been able to help you navigate the waters of over-the-top parties. If you do end up having them, though, be sure to invite me! I love cappuccino.